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Okay kids, a few of the Porkmeister's wine selections to help you indulge in BLADDERATION IN MODERATION!

The trusty Pinot Grigio.

This is the classic, my everyday staple (I hope you're not reading this, Dr Banner). It's like water to me - my Italian rehydration fluid of choice.

It has a fruity taste with notes of tinned apples, tinned mandarins with a herby side note of dried rosemary.

It is the perfect partner to my fishfinger tower. Pinot is a drink that I find goes down well with the ladies. When romancing a babe, let them know that you are a man-about-town by ordering a couple of glasses 'from the tap' in a wine bar.

Alternatively, if drinking solo, try bagging a first-class seat on a Virgin train, spread yourself out - papers on the table so that no-one can enter your private zone, and guzzle a bottle or two.

Perfect drinking scenario:
Sitting on my expansive roof terrace at my stockbroker-belt Surrey penthouse (in my outdoor slippers), listening to Everton on the radio.

Porky's Wine Choices…